Trek7

It’s been a month since I’ve been back in the states, trying to make sense of what I have experienced this summer as well as trying to figure out how to go about “normal” life again. As much as I’d love to say this past month has been easy, and I’ve adjusted back into life really well, I’m going to be real and honest and say, it hasn’t been easy, and I haven’t adjusted well. I’ve struggled to find words to really tell people how my summer was. I’ve felt awkward around the people I’m usually the most comfortable with. I’ve felt out of place in the places I considered home. I’ve had an aching feeling to be somewhere I’m not. I’ve thought more times than not, “there’s so much more than this”. I’ve struggled with the fact that life in Costa Rica is going on without me. I’ve been struggling to find a meaning for my life here in Illinois now.

Over the summer I knew the things I was witnessing were changing me, but I didn’t know how that was going to affect my life when I returned home. I’m still working on processing everything I saw and experienced those 6ish weeks in CR. I sometimes feel like being in Costa Rica was some sort of weird dream that didn’t really happen, like some distant memory I’m clinging onto for dear life. It’s been difficult for me to look around and see how people in America live. It’s all for personal pleasure and gain. Life is all about going out with friends, going shopping, going to the movies, buying $200 concert tickets, ranting and raving about the newest Iphone coming out (I’ve once been guilty of doing every single one of those).Now, I constantly feel like I’m missing something. The things I used to love to do no longer bring any enjoyment. My heart is constantly longing for something bigger, something better than this. Something this world cannot attain. Life here in America has honestly begun to freak me out, it feels surreal to me, like it’s a dream I’m going to wake up from. The American lifestyle, the one I’ve been accustomed to for 22 years, has been completely shattered in just 6 weeks of spending time in another culture and I’m struggling to pick up the pieces.

However, as uncomfortable and awkward as I sometimes feel, I’m thankful for the wisdom and understanding God has granted to me. What a blessing to be shown a small glimpse of God’s purpose for creation, a blessing not everyone will see in their lifetime. I’ve learned that my feelings and unwillingness to fit back in are something God is using to keep me on the right path, the path that he has set before me. I’m beginning to accept that being on the right path means not fitting in with the world around me, and that is something I need to get comfortable with. Following God and his call for all believers to reach the nations means becoming comfortable with the really uncomfortable. God has used this summer to really open my eyes and give me a passion for living life to the fullest, which means following his call wherever that may lead, and however awkward it may make me feel. I know this summer in Costa Rica is just the beginning, and I’m so excited to see where it takes me.

A little update on where I am right now, I’m soon to be starting a new job as well as being a trainer for the local soccer club. Life has been a little crazy this past month applying for jobs, going to interviews, and looking for a new car. As soon as life settles in a little I will be finishing my application for the 23 month term with the EFCA to go back and catch up with the other half of my heart that I left in Costa Rica this summer. As of right now, I feel as though God is directing me to take the next step in missions and pursue a longer term to serve in Costa Rica, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see 🙂

Thank you everyone for following, and supporting me on this journey. And for caring enough to stick it out and read my blogs, you all are the best:)

“God has set apart His people from before the foundation of the world to be His chosen and peculiar inheritance. We are sanctified in Christ Jesus by the Holy Spirit when he subdues our corruptions, imparts to us grace, and leads us onward in the divine walk and life of faith. Christian men/women are not to be used for anything but God. They are set-apart people; they are vessels of mercy, they are not for the devil’s use, not for their own use, not for the world’s use, but for their Master’s use. He has made them on purpose to be used entirely, solely and wholly for Him. O Christian people, be holy, for Christ is holy. Do not pollute that holy Name wherewith you are named. Let your family life, your personal life, your business life, be as holy as Christ your Lord would have it be. Shall saints be shams when sinners are so real?” -Charles Spurgeon

It feels like yesterday I was sitting in my bed at home the night before I left for training in MN. Now, 7 weeks later I’m once again sitting in my bed at home, except for this time, I’m not waking up to go on an adventure for a few weeks, I’m waking up to go on an adventure called “real life”. With Trek7 officially coming to an end, I have completed college, and have no idea what is next. This blog is to try and sum up what I’ve learned these past few weeks, and how I see that impacting the rest of my life. Here goes nothin’:

• First, the major thing that I realized on this trip was not “if” we as Christians are called to missions, but “how” we’re called to missions. Becoming a Christian isn’t a buffet that you can step up to, load up your plate with the salad of salvation, and leave the rest for everyone else to deal with. No, becoming a Christian is devoting your life to furthering the kingdom of God wherever he may have placed you. Becoming a Christian isn’t about getting into heaven, it’s about making sure the people next to you have a chance at it. Before this trip I’ll admit, I viewed doing missions as a possible option for my future, without ever considering God’s future. God has heavily placed on my heart these past 7 weeks the importance of going all out for Him and His kingdom. If I want to call myself a Christian, then I need to live a life worthy of that calling. Now this is not to say that everyone needs to pack up their lives and head on over to hut in a jungle somewhere; but this does mean that everyone needs to lay down their lives and live to serve others & serve God regardless of where they are. I can’t express my excitement for the future, and seeing where serving God leads me.
• Secondly, serving in Costa Rica I got to taste a very very small sample of just how great God’s love is for His people. I have never felt such a deep love for some of those kids as quickly as I did on this trip. If I’m capable of loving people to the point that their struggle and pain literally breaks my heart, imagine how the God who created them feels. This lesson goes right along with the one I just talked about. We are called to advance the kingdom, and love the people. There are kids that I met that I would do anything for, literally anything to give them a better life. And obviously that is not realistic, I can’t solve poverty. But I can tell them about the hope I have found in Jesus, and show them a glimpse of his love.
• The third major lesson that I learned that once again goes right along with the first two is that I’m useless, unequipped, and unneeded. And that’s just how God wants me. I was thrown into a room filled with fast-talking, hyperactive, loud children who didn’t speak my language, and at first I thought I was supposed to communicate with them. I thought I was supposed to help them. I thought I was supposed to save the day. But at the end of the day, speaking English in a room full of Spanish speakers was useless, I wasn’t equipped with the knowledge of their language, and God didn’t need me. If I was any of those things, the glory of saving people would be mine. That’s the best part of it, God doesn’t need any of us, but he loves us so much he wants us to be a part of his amazing story of redemption. He could fix all of the worlds problems in a blink of an eye, but he chooses to use us; as useless, unequipped, and unneeded as we are, he wants us. How can you turn down an opportunity to work alongside the creator of everything? I’ve learned that in every one of my short-comings, God steps in and reveals his glory one more time.

These are the three main lessons I learned this summer, and my prayer is that every person that calls themselves a believer understands what that really means in the grand scheme of things. If you’re a Christian simply because you don’t want to go to hell, you’re missing the point. If your faith doesn’t cause you to live differently than any other person you know, you’re missing the point. If you sit at home and read your bible, go to church every Sunday, but never speak a word about how great your God is to others, you’re missing the point. For so long I’ve been missing the point, and I’m not saying I now have all the answers, but I think I’ve got a pretty good start at learning more. My challenge to every Christian is to step back and evaluate whether or not your life matches up with our calling as believers- to advance the kingdom. Are you pursuing your goals and praying that God comes with you? or are you pursuing God’s goals and praying that others come with you? This is something I’ve been asking myself a lot lately, I encourage you to ask yourself the same.

“If you live without a vision of the glory of God filling the whole earth, you are in danger of serving your own dreams of greatness, as you wait to do the “next thing” that God tells you. There are too many over-fed, under motivated Christians hiding behind the excuse that God has not spoken to them. They are waiting to hear voices or see dreams– all the while living to make money, to provide for their future, to dress well and have fun.”

-Floyd McClung

These past two days we have had our mid-way through the trip retreat. There was plenty of time to process, relax, spend time with each other and spend time with the Lord. As I was laying in this hammock, I couldn’t help but think about the faithfulness of God. The word “faithful” has kind of been my theme for most of 2015, and 2016. Time and time again the Lord has proven his faithfulness to me.

Going back to the summer going into my freshman year of college, I’ll admit, my relationship with the Lord was put well, not even on the back burner, it was non-existent. Going to college finally meant living life my own way. Yet even in my disobedience, God was still faithful. Even throughout freshman year when I wanted nothing to do with him, he didn’t give up on me, He was still faithful. He was faithful to me in leading me to Judson. Every good and bad decision I have made, He has been faithful in using it for my good.

Today I was talking with Leah about different negative things in our past, and we both agreed that without going through those circumstances, we wouldn’t be who we are today. Even at the time when it was so painful, God was still faithful. Every year I look back at who I was the year before and cringe, God has so quickly been transforming me into who He needs me to be, for the purpose He has for me. The Hannah from 2015 wouldn’t last a day in the shoes of 2016 Hannah, God has been faithful in challenging and changing me each year.

I remember having conversations with people a year ago about how I would love to serve overseas, but I just didn’t know how that would happen. Sitting here typing this, over three weeks into my time here in Costa Rica, God has turned those hopes and dreams into a reality for me. After visiting CR for a week a year and a half ago, God has been faithful in answering my prayers for a return trip here.

Although God is always faithful, I don’t always make it easy for him. Unfortunately I can be a little stubborn when I think I have something planned out. This past winter break I was planning on volunteering at the nursing home my mom works at, and calling that my “internship”. I was so set on this and wouldn’t consider any other option. What happened? I tore my ACL and needed surgery the middle of December taking away any chance of doing anything other than laying in bed and going to physical therapy. Two days after I tore my ACL, this trip was brought to my attention. I wonder how much pain could be avoided if I would simply listen to God first, instead of trying to plan things on my own. However, regardless of how stubborn I am, He is still faithful. He knew following my dream of over-seas missions would be greater than a throw-away internship doing something I knew I wasn’t called to do. Now I’m not saying I would have avoided tearing my ACL if I would have listened, but ya can’t help but wonder…I feel like sometimes God’s gotta knock you off your feet (in this case literally), to get you to go where He wants you. Which is another example of his faithfulness.

I have found that knowing that you are on the path that God has set for you, is one of the most rewarding feelings I’ve ever experienced. I don’t have fear for my future, my future job, house, family, etc… Because I know that when I actively pursue God’s plan for my life, he will always come through. I have never been so excited for something that I don’t know about. I have no idea what life will look like within the next few months, I have no plans of what my next step will be, but all I know is that God is faithful, and so far his plans have blown mine out of the water.

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

(I chose this picture because this is my view outside of my bedroom, and I stood here thinking about how God has planned for me to be in this very spot, looking at this very view, since before I was even born. And that’s a crazy thought to me).

In general, I’m the type of person who likes to look at where I am now, and see how my past has led me to this moment. I love to see how different things in my past have prepared me for situations I’m experiencing today. How the difficult times I thought I’d never make it through, are now something I can use to get me through current situations. I love to see how God has intricately planned for me to be where I am. But on top of that, I love to look at the people around me and think of all the things that they had to go through to get to be in this moment with me today. To me, seeing how everything is connected is one way I experience the greatness and faithfulness of God.

This week was spent with a missions group from Texas, we stayed with them in Guarari for the week helping out with their kids club they had prepared. Their main theme was being faced with choosing wisdom, or foolishness. And one of their lessons they told the story of Jonah, and how even though he chose the foolish path of disobeying God, in the end God was still glorified. I didn’t think much about it until tonight, when I flipped open my bible and it went right to the first page of the book of Jonah. During my time here in CR we’ve talked a lot about God’s sovereign plans for the world. Regardless of what is happening, God has made plans with a purpose.

The first page of Jonah in my bible lays out the themes of the story:

1. God is in sovereign control over all events on the earth
2. God is determined to get his message to the nations
3. People need to repent from sin in general, and from self-centeredness and hypocrisy in particular
4. God promises that he will forgive when people repent.

I then continued to read through Jonah, and although I had heard this story as a child more times than I can count, this was the first time I actually read through the whole story. These past few days my heart has been heavy reading about the different riots, shootings, and complete chaos back home. Sometimes I wonder how certain things could possibly be a part of God’s plan. Innocent people losing their lives over self-centeredness, and hypocrisy, the same sins being talked about in Jonah’s story. Although it is heart-breaking to hear about these events, we can have faith that God’s sovereign plan will overcome. If God will send a whale to swallow a man, and keep him there for three days, for His sovereign plan to be fulfilled; do you really think anything can slip under God’s radar? A man, who tried to flee from God’s plan, and disobey His instructions was swallowed by a whale and spit out in the right direction. Just let that sink in.

The events happening in the world are unfolding this way for God’s ultimate glory. Even if we wonder why so many bad things are happening, we can have faith that God hasn’t lost control. God’s sovereignty does not rely on our understanding of it. Along with God being faithful and compassionate, he is also just. His plan for Ninevah was to destroy it if they did not repent of their sins. Because God is merciful does not excuse the fact that he hates sin, and ultimately will destroy it forever. Knowing that God has a sovereign plan, is both freeing and concerning. Freeing for those who believe in him, and have repented of their sins. And very concerning for those who haven’t. In the end God will be the victor over all the heinous crimes we see today and there will be justice. However, there is no goodness apart from God, and as long as people are fleeing his direction, there will continue to be destruction and chaos here on earth. As we know from scripture, things will only get worse before they get better. But all we can do, is to continue to be a light in a world of darkness and continue sharing the eternal hope that comes along with following Christ. This world can be a very hopeless place, but luckily we are only here for a small portion of our existence. We can trust that God’s sovereign plan is being played out through every event.

“Through the eyes of men it seems
There’s so much we have lost
As we look down the road
Where all the prodigals have walked
One by one
The enemy has whispered lies
And led them off as slaves

But we know that you are God
Yours is the victory
We know there is more to come
That we may not yet see
So with the faith you’ve given us
We’ll step into the valley unafraid

God of endless mercy
God of unrelenting love
Rescue every daughter
Bring us back the wayward son
And By your spirit breathe upon them
Show the world that you alone can save
You alone can save.”

-Come Alive, Lauren Daigle

Yesterday we went to a worship night and towards the end we were asked to get into small groups and talk about the fears we have that stop us from fully following God. The overall theme of the group I was in was that we might not measure up. We might not always be loving enough, caring enough, strong enough, we just might not be enough for the task. We might not have the right skills or abilities. At the end of our discussion someone in my group said “God often brings us to the end of ourselves, so that the glory is truly his”.

We then read a passage from Acts 17:26-27, “And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us”.

This passage is talking about having people live in specific places so that they should seek God. But I don’t necessarily think it limits it to just where someone lives. I think God puts us in situations that take more of us than we are capable of doing, so that we can seek and find God. God puts us in situations that bring us to the end of ourselves, we have used all of our abilities and skills, and we may not measure up. But that’s okay, because God never fails to measure up, and we have been given the same power that raised Jesus from the grave. Ephesians 1:19-20 “I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms”. 

If we were constantly measuring up to the tasks, the glory would be ours. But that just isn’t the case, we can’t and won’t ever be enough for the Kingdom of God on our own, we will always come up short no matter how hard we try, or how much of ourselves we give. We will never be enough to get the job done on our own, but we are always enough to come to God and ask for His power to intervene.We please God when we admit we need Him. The beauty of it is, although we may not be enough on our own, we are always more than enough for God to use. God is glorified when we are at the end of our abilities, we seek him, and he finishes the job through us.

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control”. 2 Timothy 1:7

Today we had the opportunity to visit Guarari, and help out with their kids club for a few hours. When we arrived there were a few kids running around, but it didn’t take long for the room to be filled with yelling, frisbees, flying soccer balls, jump ropes, and children running into just about everything. And on top of this, all these children spoke a language I am not very familiar with. I’m going to be honest, at first it was a little overwhelming and I wasn’t really sure how to jump in. What if I started a conversation that I couldn’t continue? What if they asked me something that I did not understand, or didn’t know how to respond to?

This got me thinking. I was in no way equipped (or so I thought) for this. And maybe partly I wasn’t. No, I couldn’t sit and talk with these kids the whole time. But I could smile at them, ask them their name and how old they are, I could tell them my name, dance with them, jump rope with them, laugh with them… This made me realize that often times I put higher expectations on myself for a situation than others put on me. I learned that these kids weren’t expecting me to tell them my life story, or ask about theirs, but they did expect to be picked up and paid attention to.

I also realized that God has equipped me for areas that make up for where I lack, for example, I ended up playing soccer with one boy for a good 20 minutes after camp was over, Instead of dwelling on the fact that I am not able to fully verbally communicate with these kids, I can focus on the things we have in common, such as a love for playing soccer. Along with this, God has also given me two teammates (Clara, & Leah) that have a much much better understanding of Spanish than I do. Today, we were able to come together with our different abilities to love on these kids.

In the end, the day was filled with dancing, piggy back rides, playing soccer, singing, jump roping, kids giving me hair dos, playing frisbee, laughing, and mostly them stealing my heart. And believe it or not, not a single kid complained about my lack of ability to speak Spanish.

To pull this all together, my experience today made me wonder how often I stay to the side or not do something because I don’t feel equipped enough to do it. How often do I talk myself out of serving someone because I put unnecessary expectations on myself? Expectations that would never even cross the other person’s mind? How ignorant of a thought to think that I know if I’m equipped or not for what God has planned. Who are we to put limits on how God can use us? I have a good guess that God will probably not change someone’s life through something I say in Spanish, however I fully believe God can use my willingness to serve, regardless of if I feel equipped or not, to impact someone’s life.

“But God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called.”

On Saturday we had our Orientation in Costa Rica. We talked about a variety of things, but the one that stood out to me the most was the topic of surrendering our rights. The verse that we used, that I have seen before but for some reason this time it really moved me was in Philippians 2:5-7:

“In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had: who, being very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather He made Himself nothing by taking on the very nature of a servant.”

It is not always easy to surrender our place of authority, or our place of being right. Especially in the United States where there is great value on being the best, being the C.E.O, being at the top of what you do. This tricky little thing called pride often gets in the way of our ability to truly serve someone. I’m not even talking about the big stuff, but how many times has somebody tried telling you that you were wrong about something (when you were right)? Its tempting to begin an argument to prove your knowledge on the topic. But what do you gain if you win an argument and lose a part of a relationship? We are called to follow in Jesus’ steps, who made himself nothing to take on the nature of a servant. This is Jesus, the son of God, the great Savior; becoming nothing, so that those who he came in contact with could become something.

During my time here in Costa Rica, there are many things that I have physically had to surrender already, such as: my home, my family/friends, my dog, etc.. But what is really going to be a struggle is surrendering the internal things. During my time here, I am going to see things that are very different than how I live. I must surrender my idea that my lifestyle back in the States is superior. I must become nothing. I must surrender the lifestyle I have at home so I can truly connect and establish relationships here.

Another struggle is going to be surrendering my right to speak English. I can go through the motions counting down the seconds until I’m back in an English-speaking country, back in my comfort zone, or I can surrender my pride and be willing to fully immerse myself in the language here and be okay with looking foolish and being laughed at.

My prayer for not only these next 6 weeks, but from here on out is that I will learn to become nothing for the benefit of others. That me feeling comfortable is not worth a lack of relationship with someone.

I have also realized that you do not have to be in a different country to serve the way Jesus did, we can become nothing right in our own homes. My prayer for everyone is that through the strength of Jesus we can all take on the very nature of a servant, and learn to become nothing. Imagine a world where everyone’s first concern was serving others? It won’t happen over night, but it can start with you.

“You can have it all, Lord
Every part of my world
Take this life and breathe on
This heart that is now Yours

There is no greater call
Than giving You my all
I lay it all down
I lay it all down”

-Bethel Music, Have it All

Hola!

One 2:30am alarm, two countries, three airports, and several coffees later, my team and I have finally made it to Costa Rica!

Today’s the first day that I haven’t stayed with Leah and Clara this week, the three of us are staying at different missionary homes these next two nights before we reunite at our host families home where we will stay the rest of the summer.

Once I was dropped off at the home I am staying at, I spent most of the remainder of the day asking questions and learning more about what missionary life is all about. The one thing that really stuck out to me, which is the main reason for me writing this, was their explanation of how they gave up all their things (home, clothes, belongings) in America to fully pursue God’s plans for them here in Costa Rica. They explained the many different struggles and trials they have encountered, but more so the many blessings they have received along the way as well.

The thing that stuck out to me the most was when they shared a story of people taking ships to a foreign country, and then burning their ships so they had no means of escape. They said that in the same way, they have nothing back in America (besides family) to go back to. They’ve burned their ships. This forces them to have no back-up plan in case the Lord does not come through and they need an escape. Their obedience to God is that of full faith in his abilities to provide for them in a foreign country where they are still continuing to learn the native language.

This got me thinking: how often am I willing to do what the Lord is calling me to do, but I keep a plan B open in case it falls through? Their willingness to give up their life, a life of comfort for a life of uncertainty has inspired me to really go at this summer 100%, all in. Not 85% willing to follow God’s leading. Not even 95% willingness. I pray that I will give up my comfort zone, and all my plan B’s to fully immerse myself into God’s plan for this summer and trust that God’s plan A will always be far superior to my plan B’s.

To close, this reminded me of a quote by Francis Chan, “But God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we would be in trouble if He doesn’t come through”.

Prayer Requests:

• That my team and I will give up our comfort zones, and fully pursue the plans God has here in Costa Rica for us this summer. That we will “burn our ships” of escape and fully trust that God will come through in every situation. That there will be no plan B’s, because we fully believe that God cannot fail.
• Continued prayer for Jonnie & Rissa
• Continued prayer for the travels/safety of the other 12 trek7 teams

• Continued learning for all Trek7 teams
• Continued Safety
• Jonnie’s family situation, and a softening of heart to begin/continue a relationship with the Lord
• Risa- that she follows through and attends church, for her two sons, that she can accept herself as worthy of love through being a child of God. That she finds a new source of hope through Jesus’ work on the cross and his unique plans for her life.